


A princely mask

by karmicMayhem



Series: Roman, the lonely actor [1]
Category: Sanders Sides, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Cute, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Prinxiety - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 13:06:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14112966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmicMayhem/pseuds/karmicMayhem
Summary: Roman hides more things than one would think. Virgil wants to help.





	A princely mask

 

The party downstairs was still going strong, but Roman was _tired_. He could hear the jazz band muffled through the walls, playing beautifully entrancing notes that seemed to dance through the air, despite the distance. The mansion he was in was far more grand than was really necessary. He could snap this whole scene away, and just go back to his bedroom.

 

But.

 

But there was something oddly comforting about being so completely enveloped in his imagination. In a scene from his mind that he brought to life himself. This place where he was loved by everyone, where he could never let anyone down. Here he was a wealthy businessman who needed no invitation, for he was so charming that having him arrive at your party was the highest praise you could get. Here he was the one who could breathe energy into any gathering.

 

The most sought after bachelor in this world, he flitted from party to party, charming all who met him. Here, he was loved by all. And here…

 

Here he could pretend to love himself.

 

Currently, though, he was laying listlessly in one of the guest bedrooms. There was a couple making out on the other side of the door. The light in the room was dimmer than it should be and the air smelled vaguely of perfume and smoke. The party was set around the 1920’s or so, so he supposed it made sense.

 

The comforter was a little scratchy, but the sheets under it were silk, so he decided that it made up for it. He considered going back down to rejoin the party. But his suit was wrinkled from laying down. In his classic style, he wore a sharply fitting white suit with a red tie and gold accents. In all honesty, he could just wave his hand and fix the suit back to the perfection it had been at the beginning of the night, but what was the point?

 

He knew that soon, he would have to get up. He would snap this place back to his normal kingdom, and switch back to his regular prince outfit. He would paste his normal self-assured grin back onto his face and go make an appearance down in the commons before Patton began to worry about him not having been around much recently.

 

For right now though, he wanted to stay safe in his realm a little longer.

 

He was slowly lulled to sleep by the female vocalist’s voice crooning sweetly from the floor below.

 

\--------------------------------

 

It could have been minutes or hours that passed as he slept there, momentarily peaceful in the world he created, before he was woken unpleasantly by the alarm he set on his phone earlier. He blearily frowned at the screen before shutting it off and getting out of the borrowed bed. With a snap, the world he was in shifted back to that of his kingdom, and with another he was wearing his normal attire. With a sigh, he sank down into his room and sat on the bed.

 

He checked the time the alarm went off and scowled. It appeared that he only managed to get an hour of sleep. While it was better than he had gotten lately, it still wasn’t ideal. He peered at the mirror he kept on his bedside table and felt his frown deepen. All the restless and sleepless nights were catching up to him. His face was paler than normal and the shadows under his eyes had darkened _far_ past inconspicuous. He grabbed his concealer from the nightstand and applied it carefully, making sure the dark circles were no longer visible.

 

After checking his reflection once more, he made his way down into the commons. He winced as he rechecked the time. _Damn_ , he thought. _I missed dinner again_.

 

This normally wouldn't be an issue, but it was the fourth time it happened this _week_. This hadn’t been an issue a few years ago when they all ate separately, but lately Patton had declared that family meals were _important_ and not to be missed. Maybe if he just went back upstairs he could avoid the conversation-

 

“Kiddo?”

 

Well there goes that plan.

 

Immediately shifting his face into a grin as he ran through multiple expletives in his head, he turned to Patton and rakishly ran his hand through his hair. “Hello, Padre! And how are you on this fine evening?”

 

Patton’s face was scrunched up in concern, and that made this so much worse. He hadn’t made him angry, he’d _worried_ him. Roman only grinned wider and clapped his hand onto Patton’s shoulder. “Ah, of course. I wanted to apologize for not making it to dinner. I ran into some trouble with a particularly nasty dragon and it took longer to defeat than I anticipated.”

 

Roman could only hold his expression and stance and hope that Patton wouldn’t think too closely about it. Patton seemed to hesitate for a moment before hesitantly nodding. “Well, okay Roman. Could you try to be at the next one at least?”

 

 _Ow_. “Of course my dear Patton! Nothing could keep me away!” his grin tightened minutely, but he held it still and made sure his eyes crinkled _just_ enough to give it the full image of a real smile. “And to make it up to you, how about we make cookies together this weekend?”

 

The tightness in his chest released slightly at the happiness that overtook Patton’s face.

 

“Aww, I’d love to Roman!” Patton grinned.

 

Roman was already dreading the day he knew he’d just signed up for. He was happy that he’d managed to make Patton happy, but he knew that having to keep his normal act up for that long would be _harrowing_. He could do it though. He would do it for Patton, who only ever seemed to see the best in him.

 

Even when there clearly was none.

 

He gently removed his hand from Patton’s shoulder and clenched the other hand at his side to drag himself forcefully out of his thoughts and back to the present. He was once again thankful that Thomas had taken so many acting classes. There was no way he could pull off acting half as lively as he did otherwise. He straightened his sash and stepped forward towards the kitchen. He spotted Logan sipping coffee at the table while reading a book.

 

“Afternoon, specs.” Roman said, putting a touch more enthusiasm in his voice than normal to make up for his lack of energy. “Isn’t it too late at night to be drinking coffee?”

 

“You are beginning to sound rather similar to Patton, Roman.” Logan remarked dryly over his cup. “Besides, it’s never too late for a decent cup of coffee when you’re busy with work.”

 

Roman couldn’t argue with that, honestly. He had found himself sneaking down into the kitchen to make coffee _well_ past midnight more than once. That, however, was more from the sleep deprivation and the lack of anything else to do than for work purposes. Though he _had_ used coffee to keep himself awake for creative projects for Thomas more than once.

 

“I suppose you’re right.” he admitted.

 

He squinted his eyes at Logan’s grin that was half hidden behind his mug. “I normally am.”

 

Roman sighed. “I walked into that one, didn’t I?”

 

“Oh, directly so.”

 

Roman spared a moment to consider fondly ruffling Logan’s hair before his train of thought was cut off by Logan’s next words.

 

“Ah, Roman, I’ve been meaning to ask you, you’ve seemed a bit off lately. Is everything alright?” Logan watched him carefully, but thankfully not suspiciously. Roman could work with this.

 

Roman dramatically placed his hand on his chest and looked at the ceiling as though proclaiming his next sentence towards it. “Everything is more than alright! I apologize for my recent distance, but I’ve been working on a _wonderful_ idea for a new video.” he shifted his triumphant grin to a small questioning smile that he aimed at Logan. “Unfortunately I seem to have too _many_ ideas. Would you mind helping me sift through them to find the ones that would work the best?” he blinked inquisitively down at the logical side for added measure.

 

Logan adjusted his glasses, already clearly planning the best way to assist and which days would be better to work on it. “Of course. Please inform me when you require my assistance.”   

 

Roman nodded and walked further into the kitchen, letting his smile drop slightly as he grabbed a small portion of the leftovers to bring to his room. His appetite was muted as usual, so he only put a small amount on his plate before making his way to the stairs once more. He nearly jumped as Patton spoke from his side.

 

“You should really eat in the kitchen, kiddo.” Patton’s eyebrows furrowed as he took in Roman’s plate, not noticing Roman’s hand subtly wiggling at his side. “Is that all you’re eating? You didn’t come down around lunch time either, maybe you should-”

 

He was cut off by a high pitched barking sound from the floor. Patton gasped in joy at the small fluffy dog yipping and running across the room at top speed. “PUPPY!” he yelled, chasing after it to cuddle.

 

Roman ignored the distant complaints from Logan about the dog chewing on his shoelace and used the distraction to sink back into his room. He didn’t notice Virgil or his suspicious stare from the other side of the common room.

 

\----------------------------------

 

He glared at the paper in front of him. Nothing was turning out the way he wanted it to. Every idea he thought of was too unrealistic or too expensive to pull off. And he just kept writing himself into corners with no clear idea as to what he wanted to happen past a certain point. He groaned and crumpled up the paper that was covered from top to bottom in rejected ideas and threw it into the trash with the others.

 

He got up from his desk chair and moved to sit on his bed instead. He glared at his barely touched plate from earlier and huffed out a puff of air. He clenched his hand and tried to will his frustration back down before it could manifest into real tears. Collapsing back onto the bed, he rubbed at his eyes.

 

Roman was in a downward spiral and he knew it. But he also knew that there wasn’t much he could do to stop it. As it was, he was getting maybe 20 hours of sleep a week. At _most_.

 

Going into his realm to calm down right now was out of the question. His realm was a safe place for him, but could become erratic in his more… _frantic_ states of mind. It was safer to just stay in his room until he calmed down more.

 

He was glad at least that despite being responsible for Thomas’s ego, his own didn’t filter into the equation. He could keep Thomas’s boosted as best he could, despite his own being lower than he’d like to admit. Much lower than anyone who knew him would guess.

 

But he is nothing if not an amazing actor.

 

He closed his eyes and once more tried his best not to think of how disappointed the others would be if they knew how _often_ he lied. He could pretend not to remember their utter distaste for lies, until recently when Deceit showed himself _once more_ and brought the whole moral issue back into the light.

 

He could tell his fairy lights were flickering on and off through his closed eyelids. He smiled sadly and ran his hand through his hair. His room was tied heavily to his emotional state. Thankfully it was _much_ less so than his realm was.

 

How could he ever tell them the truth? He had kept up his princely facade for so _long_. Lying was almost second nature to him at this point, subtle manipulation nearly a second language. Use emotions and bonding time to distract Patton, the chance to use his brain for Logan, and make puppies or other random things appear if all else fails for one of the most effective kinds of distraction. He was nearly disgusted with himself over how easy he found it to manipulate them. He wanted to tell the truth. He wanted to _so badly_. But what would he even _say?_

 

His train of thought was cut short by a knocking on his door. His eyes snapped open and he quickly rubbed at his face and did his best to put his hair back into place. “Yeah?” he called out.

 

“Let me in, Princey.”

 

Roman blinked in surprise. Virgil, then.

 

He got up and walked over to the door, straightening his clothes as he went. “How can I help you?” he asked as he swung the door open.

 

Virgil’s eyes seemed to widen in surprise at something. “You look like hell, dude.”

 

“And you’re the picture of perfection.” Roman snarked back.

 

Virgil crossed his arms. “When’s the last time you slept, Ro?” despite the irritation in his stance, his tone was soft.

 

Roman felt his own eyes widen. How had he…? He froze when he realised. He had been rubbing his eyes without thinking about it. He must have rubbed his concealer off. _Damn_.

 

“I napped for like, an hour earlier, don’t worry.” he replied, attempting to wave off the concern.

 

Virgil narrowed his eyes. “And what about last night?”

 

Roman froze slightly. He didn’t like lying to Virgil. He didn’t know what he was doing and he didn’t have _nearly_ enough practice distracting him, as they had only recently gotten on speaking terms at all. _And isn’t it awful_ , he thought to himself, _that he couldn’t say the same for the other two?_

 

“I’ve just been busy, there’s no need for concern-”

 

“Don’t.” Virgil cut in. “Don’t do that.”

 

Roman blinked and put on a mildly surprised face. “Don’t do what?”

 

“ _Deflect_. Don’t try and act like nothing’s wrong. I can tell something isn’t right with you.”

 

Roman, caught off guard, felt his mouth open and close a few times like a fish. In his shocked state, he didn’t stop Virgil when the other pushed past him to stand in his room and shut his door.

 

Roman turned to stare at Virgil who was eyeing his barely touched plate and flickering lights with undisguised concern. “Nothing’s wrong with me, dark and dreary. I’ve just been busy with projects and quests. I’ll be back to my normal fabulous self in no time.” he added a confident smile to punctuate his claim.

 

Virgil only looked back at him, silently observing.

 

Shifting nervously from foot to foot, Roman said carefully, “So if that was all you wanted to discuss, then-”

 

“You’re lying.”

 

Roman froze at the sureness of his claim. “What?” he finally managed to ask.

 

Virgil flicked his bangs out of his eyes and stared at Roman more directly. “Princey, before I hung out with you guys I spent a lot of time around Deceit.” he looked annoyed by the admission. “You’re a damn good liar.  _Too_ good, actually. I didn’t even realise something might be up with you until earlier. But I grew up spending time with the _embodiment_ of dishonesty.”

 

Virgil walked over to his bed and sat down. “So don’t bother trying to lie. I can see whatever’s up with you is pretty serious, Ro.”

 

Roman’s breath caught in his throat. He was found out. What was he going to do? Virgil was going to tell the others that he’s been lying and they’re going to be so disappointed in him and-

 

“Princey, _breathe_.” Virgil commanded softly but firmly.

 

Roman blinked and tried to even out his shallow breathing. He took a deep breath and held it before releasing it slowly and repeating the action a few more times. After a particularly long exhale he looked back at Virgil who was motioning for him to join him in sitting on Roman’s bed. Without thinking, Roman did.

 

“Can you talk about what’s wrong now? I promise I won’t judge you for anything you tell me.” Virgil asked softly.

 

Roman stared at his wall, lost in thought. Isn’t this what he wanted? To stop hiding? To have someone know him for who he _really_ is?

 

He was just so _tired_.

 

He was tired of always having to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. Of having to lie to even _himself_ some days. Of sleepless nights with no one but himself to turn to if he didn’t want his entire facade to fall.

 

He raised his eyes slightly to meet the darker trait’s. “You can’t tell the others anything I tell you.” he finally spoke, almost inaudibly.

 

Virgil nodded. “I promise. Not unless it’s life or death.” His eyes were soft with understanding.

 

Roman shifted now, suddenly feeling oddly shy. “There’s a lot of stuff.” he finally admitted.

 

Virgil only offered a wry smile in return. “I have a lot of time.”

 

“You were right, then, when you said I’m a good liar.” he started after a moment of collecting his thoughts. He stared down at his hands as he spoke, “I’ve been lying for a long time. It started out as a way to protect Thomas’s state of mind, I think. The complete denial of the outside world and reality. He loved Disney growing up, and he wanted to be a prince like them _so bad_. A confidant and _brave_ prince who didn’t have to deal with problems from the real world. So… that’s what I did. I began to personify what he wanted to be. As the one responsible for his hopes and dreams, it was my job. The others and I didn’t spend much time together then, so they didn’t know it was an act.”

 

Roman continued, all of his pent up words flowing out after having been locked away for so long. “I’m not nearly as brave or confidant as I try to seem. And I’m a lot more aware of reality than I let everyone believe, but it’s just so much safer for me to keep hiding behind this personality I’ve made. I haven’t slept properly in _weeks_ because I’m stressed because so much more is being demanded of me now that Thomas has taken on a creative career instead of going into science like he planned. It was mostly fine at first, but I _have_ to keep coming up with new and interesting ideas, or people will lose interest in his videos. And I know that a completely original idea is impossible, but I can’t even seem to make one that passes for _good_ lately, and…” he cut himself off and pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

“I’m just really tired, Virge. Like, mentally and emotionally. I’m drained. But I have to keep going because I’m Thomas’s ego and his creativity and his hopes and dreams. And it’s all just so _much_.”

 

There was a long span of silence where nothing was said, then, “ _Holy shit_ , Roman. _Ro_. That’s… that’s a lot of shit and you shouldn’t be dealing with it alone.” the concern in his voice was _palpable_. “Are you okay? I know it’s a dumb question, but still, are you?”

 

Roman huffed out a wry laugh and spoke. “It’s okay, I’ve been worse.” he shrugged.

 

“Wow.” Virgil replied. “Out of everything you’ve said today, that might be the most concerning.”

 

“So, you aren’t upset with me for lying so much?” Roman asked, almost afraid to hope.

 

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “For pretending to be someone you aren’t to protect yourself? Ro, I did the same thing for _years_ , remember? The only difference is that I was pretending to be darker than who I was, and you were pretending to be braver. I do have a question, though.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“If this persona isn’t who you are, then... what is?”

 

Roman bit his lip in consideration before sighing. Might as well go for broke on this. With a snap of his fingers, Roman was out of his normal princely outfit and into the more comfortable and casual clothes he switched into when he was positive he was alone and that no one would be trying to barge into his room at any near point in the future. The shirt he was wearing now was a deep red with a crown on the front, with black pajama pants with tiny crowns scattered across them as a pattern.

 

He shyly ran a hand through his hair before looking back up at Virgil who still seemed to be processing everything he’d heard. “I feel like I should reintroduce myself now.” Roman finally said, mouth quirked in mild amusement. “Hi, my name is Roman and I’m Thomas’s creativity. I enjoy creating things and my ego is very easily damaged if someone insults something I make. I love rewatching Disney movies, and am _perpetually_ tired.”

 

Roman grinned as Virgil snorted at his words.  

 

Virgil frowned. “Ro, I won’t tell the others any of what you said, but… I think you should tell them. It doesn’t have to be anytime soon, but this has all been weighing you down so _much_. And I’m pretty sure you haven’t even _told_ me everything yet.”

 

“I’ll… consider it.” Roman finally acquiesced. He knew Virgil was right, but this was a big decision. So much could change just from telling them any of this.

 

Roman watched in mild confusion as Virgil leaned back on Roman’s bed. “So,” Virgil began, “I say we nap here. Because I’m tired as shit, and I know _damn well_ that you are too. We can talk more about the important stuff tomorrow after we’ve gotten some sleep.”  

 

Roman’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “You want to sleep here too?”

 

Virgil rolled his eyes as he grabbed a pillow and shoved it behind his head, not even bothering to get under the covers. “Look, feel free to say no, but when you’re having a hard time falling asleep, sometimes just sleeping in the same bed as someone else will chill your brain out enough for you to sleep.” he looked away and shyly adjusted his shirt as he continued. “Pat does this sometimes for me when I can’t sleep. Now do you want to cuddle or not?”

 

Roman blinked in surprise and then smiled fondly at Virgil’s darkening face. “Yeah, all right. Sounds nice.” With that, he promptly lied down and cuddled up close to the other.

 

“By the way, Ro?”

 

Roman tilted his head up to look at Virgil questioningly.

 

“Two things. Cause these are important, and I need to make sure I say them before tomorrow. The first thing is that if things get this bad again, please consider coming to me, if not Pat or Lo? You shouldn’t be alone for so long when your brain starts fucking up like this. Trust me, I should know. A fresh pair of eyes might be able to help more than you’d think if you’re trying to create something. Even if you just need someone to rant to for a while. Okay?”

 

Roman could only nod slowly, afraid to say anything while his throat felt so oddly tight. A few minutes passed before Roman slowly decided to risk saying something. “And… the second thing?”

 

He felt more than heard Virgil exhale at that.

 

“The second thing is that… Ro, you said that you aren’t brave. But you’re wrong.” Virgil’s arms wrapped around him more protectively as he spoke, almost as if he was trying to transfer the message into him through his arms as well as his words. “You’re one of the bravest people I know. I wouldn’t handle it _nearly_ as well as you do if I had to sit through people criticizing my ideas. I wouldn’t be able to keep putting myself through that, or even sharing the ideas I’d come up with after a while. You’re actually really strong, Roman.”

 

Roman did his best to blink away the tears gathering in his eyes. “Thanks.” he finally managed to whisper back. He wanted to say so much more, but there were too many emotions running through his brain just then, and he could feel his lack of sleep catching up to him. There would be time for more talking tomorrow. They still had a lot to discuss.

 

For now though, he let himself just enjoy the moment. Not even a full day ago, he was laying in a borrowed bed from a hazy daydream feeling exhausted and alone. But now he was laying with Virgil on top of his covers, and Roman hadn’t felt more comfortable or loved in _years_. He slowly propped his head up onto Virgil’s chest and let the sound of his heartbeat and soft breathing lull him to sleep.    

 

The fairy lights above them shone brighter than they ever had.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate comments! :D


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